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Get the Paper.</p> 357 358 359</a></div> 360 361 362 363<hr class="wp-block-separator has-text-color has-shade-2-color has-alpha-channel-opacity has-shade-2-background-color has-background" style="margin-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)"/> 364 365 366 367<div class="wp-block-group onion-part-header-container__section-bottom onion-part-header-container__section-dateline-wrapper is-content-justification-space-between is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-51a6cd6a wp-block-group-is-layout-flex"> 368<div class="wp-block-group onion-part-header-dateline is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-52b12321 wp-block-group-is-layout-flex"> 369<p class="has-primary-2-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-condensed-font-family has-foxtrot-font-size wp-elements-2 wp-block-paragraph" style="font-style:normal;font-weight:500">Thursday, October 1, 2026</p> 370 371 372 373<div 374 class="wp-block-theonion-weather-summary" data-wp-interactive="theonion/weather-summary" 375 data-wp-init="callbacks.init" 376 data-wp-context='{"isVisible": false}' 377 data-wp-on--click="actions.onClick" 378 data-wp-on-document--click="actions.onDocumentClick" 379 data-wp-on--mouseenter="actions.onMouseEnter" 380 data-wp-on--mouseleave="actions.onMouseLeave" 381 data-wp-class--wp-block-theonion-weather-summary--open="context.isVisible" 382> 383 <p class="wp-block-theonion-weather-summary__snapshot"> 384 <img decoding="async" 385 src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/cloudy.svg" 386 alt="" 387 /> 388 <span>61°</span> 389 </p> 390 391 <p class="wp-block-theonion-weather-summary__comment">Judgment cloudy with a high chance of regret</p> 392 </div> 393</div> 394</div> 395</div> 396 397 398 399<div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__12 gridible-col__md-8 gridible-col__lg-6"> 400<div class="wp-block-group onion-part-header-container__section-top is-vertical is-content-justification-center is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-c9dc8b03 wp-block-group-is-layout-flex"><div style="margin-bottom:0" class="is-default-size wp-block-site-logo"><a href="https://theonion.com/" class="custom-logo-link" rel="home"><img width="646" height="103" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/site-logo.svg" class="custom-logo" alt="The Onion" decoding="async" fetchpriority="high" /></a></div> 401 402 403<p class="has-text-align-center has-shade-1-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-3 wp-block-paragraph" style="margin-bottom:0px;font-size:clamp(0.875rem, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 0.2rem) * 0.281), 1.1rem);"><em>Americaâs Finest News Source</em></p> 404</div> 405 406 407 408<hr class="wp-block-separator has-text-color has-shade-2-color has-alpha-channel-opacity has-shade-2-background-color has-background" style="margin-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)"/> 409 410 411 412<div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-container gridible-row gridible-row--flex gridible-row__all-start gridible-row__md-start gridible-row__lg-start gridible-row__all-standard gridible-row__md-standard gridible-row__lg-standard onion-part-header-container__section-bottom is-aligned-center"> 413<div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__12 gridible-col__md-12 gridible-col__lg-12 gridible-hidden--sm gridible-hidden--md"><nav style="font-style:normal;font-weight:500" class="has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-foxtrot-font-size items-justified-center no-wrap wp-block-navigation has-tablet-gothic-condensed-font-family is-content-justification-center is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-navigation-is-layout-d05cb3ef wp-block-navigation-is-layout-flex" aria-label="Header Navigation - Desktop"><ul style="font-style:normal;font-weight:500" class="wp-block-navigation__container has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-foxtrot-font-size items-justified-center no-wrap wp-block-navigation has-tablet-gothic-condensed-font-family"><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="/news"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">News</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="/local"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">Local</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="/politics"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">Politics</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="/entertainment"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">Entertainment</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="/sports"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">Sports</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="/opinion"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">Opinion</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="https://store.theonion.com/" target="_blank" ><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">The Onion Store</span></a></li><li data-wp-context="{ "submenuOpenedBy": { "click": false, "hover": false, "focus": false }, "type": "submenu", "modal": null, "previousFocus": null }" data-wp-interactive="core/navigation" data-wp-on--focusout="actions.handleMenuFocusout" data-wp-on--keydown="actions.handleMenuKeydown" data-wp-watch="callbacks.initMenu" tabindex="-1" class="wp-block-navigation-item has-child open-on-click wp-block-navigation-submenu"><button data-wp-bind--aria-expanded="state.isSubmenuOpen" data-wp-on--click="actions.toggleMenuOnClick" aria-label="More submenu" class="wp-block-navigation-item__content wp-block-navigation-submenu__toggle" ><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">More</span></button><span class="wp-block-navigation__submenu-icon"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="12" height="12" viewBox="0 0 12 12" fill="none" aria-hidden="true" focusable="false">
413<path d="M1.50002 4L6.00002 8L10.5 4" stroke-width="1.5"></path></svg></span><ul data-wp-on--focus="actions.openMenuOnFocus" class="wp-block-navigation__submenu-container wp-block-navigation-submenu"><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="https://theonion.com/latest/"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">The Latest</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="/?s"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">Search</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="https://theonion.com/video/"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">Video</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="/horoscopes"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">Horoscopes</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="https://store.theonion.com/"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">The Onion Store</span></a></li></ul></li></ul></nav></div> 414 415 416 417<div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__12 gridible-col__md-12 gridible-col__lg-12 gridible-hidden--sm gridible-hidden--lg"><nav style="font-style:normal;font-weight:500" class="has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-foxtrot-font-size no-wrap wp-block-navigation has-tablet-gothic-condensed-font-family is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-navigation-is-layout-8f761849 wp-block-navigation-is-layout-flex" aria-label="Header Navigation - Tablet"><ul style="font-style:normal;font-weight:500" class="wp-block-navigation__container has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-foxtrot-font-size no-wrap wp-block-navigation has-tablet-gothic-condensed-font-family"><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="/news"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">News</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="/local"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">Local</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="/politics"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">Politics</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="/entertainment"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">Entertainment</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="/sports"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">Sports</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="https://store.theonion.com/" target="_blank" ><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">The Onion Store</span></a></li><li data-wp-context="{ "submenuOpenedBy": { "click": false, "hover": false, "focus": false }, "type": "submenu", "modal": null, "previousFocus": null }" data-wp-interactive="core/navigation" data-wp-on--focusout="actions.handleMenuFocusout" data-wp-on--keydown="actions.handleMenuKeydown" data-wp-watch="callbacks.initMenu" tabindex="-1" class="wp-block-navigation-item has-child open-on-click wp-block-navigation-submenu"><button data-wp-bind--aria-expanded="state.isSubmenuOpen" data-wp-on--click="actions.toggleMenuOnClick" aria-label="More submenu" class="wp-block-navigation-item__content wp-block-navigation-submenu__toggle" ><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">More</span></button><span class="wp-block-navigation__submenu-icon"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="12" height="12" viewBox="0 0 12 12" fill="none" aria-hidden="true" focusable="false">
417<path d="M1.50002 4L6.00002 8L10.5 4" stroke-width="1.5"></path></svg></span><ul data-wp-on--focus="actions.openMenuOnFocus" class="wp-block-navigation__submenu-container wp-block-navigation-submenu"><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="/?s"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">Search</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="https://theonion.com/latest/"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">The Latest</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="/opinion"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">Opinion</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="https://theonion.com/video/"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">Video</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="/horoscopes"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">Horoscopes</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="https://store.theonion.com/"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">The Onion Store</span></a></li></ul></li></ul></nav></div> 418 419 420 421<div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__12 gridible-col__md-12 gridible-col__lg-12 gridible-hidden--md gridible-hidden--lg"> 422<div class="wp-block-group onion-part-header-dateline is-content-justification-space-between is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-06fbcfc6 wp-block-group-is-layout-flex"> 423<div class="wp-block-group onion-part-header-dateline is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-52b12321 wp-block-group-is-layout-flex"> 424<p class="has-primary-2-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-condensed-font-family has-foxtrot-font-size wp-elements-4 wp-block-paragraph" style="font-style:normal;font-weight:500">Thursday, October 1, 2026</p> 425 426 427 428<div 429 class="wp-block-theonion-weather-summary" data-wp-interactive="theonion/weather-summary" 430 data-wp-init="callbacks.init" 431 data-wp-context='{"isVisible": false}' 432 data-wp-on--click="actions.onClick" 433 data-wp-on-document--click="actions.onDocumentClick" 434 data-wp-on--mouseenter="actions.onMouseEnter" 435 data-wp-on--mouseleave="actions.onMouseLeave" 436 data-wp-class--wp-block-theonion-weather-summary--open="context.isVisible" 437> 438 <p class="wp-block-theonion-weather-summary__snapshot"> 439 <img decoding="async" 440 src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/cloudy.svg" 441 alt="" 442 /> 443 <span>61°</span> 444 </p> 445 446 <p class="wp-block-theonion-weather-summary__comment">Judgment cloudy with a high chance of regret</p> 447 </div> 448</div> 449 450 451<nav style="font-style:normal;font-weight:500" class="has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-delta-font-size is-responsive items-justified-center wp-block-navigation has-tablet-gothic-condensed-font-family is-content-justification-center is-layout-flex wp-container-core-navigation-is-layout-fe48e5de wp-block-navigation-is-layout-flex block-visibility-hide-large-screen block-visibility-hide-medium-screen" aria-label="Header Navigation - Mobile" 452 data-wp-interactive="core/navigation" data-wp-context='{"overlayOpenedBy":{"click":false,"hover":false,"focus":false},"type":"overlay","roleAttribute":"","ariaLabel":"Menu"}'><button aria-haspopup="dialog" class="wp-block-navigation__responsive-container-open always-shown" 453 data-wp-on--click="actions.openMenuOnClick" 454 data-wp-on--keydown="actions.handleMenuKeydown" 455 >Menu</button> 456 <div class="wp-block-navigation__responsive-container hidden-by-default" id="modal-2" 457 data-wp-class--has-modal-open="state.isMenuOpen" 458 data-wp-class--is-menu-open="state.isMenuOpen" 459 data-wp-watch="callbacks.initMenu" 460 data-wp-on--keydown="actions.handleMenuKeydown" 461 data-wp-on--focusout="actions.handleMenuFocusout" 462 tabindex="-1" 463 > 464 <div class="wp-block-navigation__responsive-close" tabindex="-1"> 465 <div class="wp-block-navigation__responsive-dialog" 466 data-wp-bind--aria-modal="state.ariaModal" 467 data-wp-bind--aria-label="state.ariaLabel" 468 data-wp-bind--role="state.roleAttribute" 469 > 470 <button class="wp-block-navigation__responsive-container-close" 471 data-wp-on--click="actions.closeMenuOnClick" 472 >Close</button> 473 <div class="wp-block-navigation__responsive-container-content" 474 data-wp-watch="callbacks.focusFirstElement" 475 id="modal-2-content"> 476 477<div class="wp-block-buttons is-align-self-center is-content-justification-center is-layout-flex wp-container-core-buttons-is-layout-e67ffeaa wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex" style="margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--50)"> 478<div class="wp-block-button has-custom-width wp-block-button__width-100 is-style-outline is-style-outline--1"><a class="wp-block-button__link has-shade-3-color has-text-color has-link-color has-border-color has-shade-3-border-color has-foxtrot-font-size has-text-align-center has-custom-font-size wp-element-button" href="https://membership.theonion.com/?campaign=701a500001geUujAAE" style="border-width:1px;border-radius:0px" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Become A Member</a></div> 479</div> 480<ul style="font-style:normal;font-weight:500" class="wp-block-navigation__container has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-delta-font-size is-responsive items-justified-center wp-block-navigation has-tablet-gothic-condensed-font-family"><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="https://theonion.com/latest/"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">The Latest</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="/news"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">News</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="/local"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">Local</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="/politics"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">Politics</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="/entertainment"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">Entertainment</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="/sports"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">Sports</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="/opinion"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">Opinion</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="https://theonion.com/video/"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">Video</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="/?s"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">Search</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a class="wp-block-navigation-item__content" href="/horoscopes"><span class="wp-block-navigation-item__label">Horoscopes</span></a></li><li class="wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link"><a 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class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"> 804<div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--sm" style="height:16px" aria-hidden="true"></div> 805 806 807 808<div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--md gridible-hidden--lg" style="height:16px" aria-hidden="true"></div> 809</div> 810</div> 811</header> 812 813 814 815<div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"> 816<div class="wp-block-group is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-7edef68e wp-block-group-is-layout-flex" style="margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)"> 817<p class="has-shade-1-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family wp-elements-33 wp-block-paragraph" style="margin-right:-4px;margin-bottom:0px;font-size:14px;font-style:normal;font-weight:700"> 818 Published: 819 </p> 820 821 822<div style="font-size:14px;font-style:normal;font-weight:700" class="has-link-color wp-elements-34 wp-block-post-date has-text-color has-shade-1-color has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family"><time datetime="2026-09-30T08:00:00-05:00">September 30, 2026</time></div></div> 823 824 825 826<div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"> 827<div class="single-post-mobile-bg-img"></div> 828 829 830<div class="entry-content single-post-content single-post-content--has-watermark wp-block-post-content has-echo-font-size is-layout-flow wp-block-post-content-is-layout-flow"> 831<p class="wp-block-paragraph theonion-dingbat">Toys âRâ Us announced the opening of 120 stores, a comeback for the once-bankrupt retailer hoping to capitalize on a growing number of adult toy collectors. What do <em>you</em> think?</p> 832 833 834 835<div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="margin-top:0;margin-bottom:32px"> 836<div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"> 837<div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer" style="height:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)" aria-hidden="true"></div> 838 839 840 841<div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-container gridible-row gridible-row--flex gridible-row__all-start gridible-row__md-center gridible-row__lg-center gridible-row__all-standard gridible-row__md-standard gridible-row__lg-standard"> 842<div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__4 gridible-col__md-3 gridible-col__lg-3"> 843<figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized has-custom-border"><img decoding="async" width="200" height="200" src="https://theonion.com/w
843p-content/uploads/2025/05/Face-Young-Woman.jpg?w=200" alt="" class="wp-image-1851684414" style="border-radius:200em;object-fit:cover;width:128px;height:128px" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/Face-Young-Woman.jpg 200w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/Face-Young-Woman.jpg?resize=150,150 150w" sizes="(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px" /></figure> 844</div> 845 846 847 848<div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__8 gridible-col__md-9 gridible-col__lg-9"> 849<blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"> 850<p class="has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family has-delta-font-size wp-block-paragraph" style="font-style:normal;font-weight:400;text-transform:none">âl, too, recently declared bankruptcy then got really into Funko Pops.â</p> 851<cite><strong>Amirah Hirani, Roller Rink Owner<br></strong></cite></blockquote> 852</div> 853</div> 854 855 856 857<div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer" style="height:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)" aria-hidden="true"></div> 858 859 860 861<hr class="wp-block-separator has-text-color has-shade-2-color has-alpha-channel-opacity has-shade-2-background-color has-background"/> 862</div> 863 864 865 866<div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"> 867<div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer" style="height:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)" aria-hidden="true"></div> 868 869 870 871<div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-container gridible-row gridible-row--flex gridible-row__all-start gridible-row__md-center gridible-row__lg-center gridible-row__all-standard gridible-row__md-standard gridible-row__lg-standard"> 872<div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__4 gridible-col__md-3 gridible-col__lg-3"> 873<figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized has-custom-border"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="200" height="200" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/Face-Old-Man.jpg?w=200" alt="" class="wp-image-1851684415" style="border-radius:200em;object-fit:cover;width:128px;height:128px" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/Face-Old-Man.jpg 200w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/Face-Old-Man.jpg?resize=150,150 150w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px" /></figure> 874</div> 875 876 877 878<div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__8 gridible-col__md-9 gridible-col__lg-9"> 879<blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"> 880<p class="has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family has-delta-font-size wp-block-paragraph" style="font-style:normal;font-weight:400;text-transform:none">âI hope theyâll be providing a post I can tie my child to while I shop.â</p> 881<cite><strong>Leo Skaggs, Celebrity Podiatrist</strong></cite></blockquote> 882</div> 883</div> 884 885 886 887<div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer" style="height:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)" aria-hidden="true"></div> 888 889 890 891<hr class="wp-block-separator has-text-color has-shade-2-color has-alpha-channel-opacity has-shade-2-background-color has-background"/> 892</div> 893 894 895 896<div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"> 897<div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer" style="height:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)" aria-hidden="true"></div> 898 899 900 901<div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-container gridible-row gridible-row--flex gridible-row__all-start gridible-row__md-center gridible-row__lg-center gridible-row__all-standard gridible-row__md-standard gridible-row__lg-standard"> 902<div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__4 gridible-col__md-3 gridible-col__lg-3"> 903<figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized has-custom-border"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="200" height="200" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/Face-Asian.jpg?w=200" alt="" class="wp-image-1851684408" style="border-radius:200em;object-fit:cover;width:128px;height:128px" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/Face-Asian.jpg 200w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/Face-Asian.jpg?resize=150,150 150w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 200px) 100v
903w, 200px" /></figure> 904</div> 905 906 907 908<div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__8 gridible-col__md-9 gridible-col__lg-9"> 909<blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"> 910<p class="has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family has-delta-font-size wp-block-paragraph" style="font-style:normal;font-weight:400;text-transform:none">âMost kids canât appreciate the complex narrative possibilities of the See âN Say.â</p> 911<cite><strong>Colton Ott, Strobe Light Operator</strong></cite></blockquote> 912</div> 913</div> 914</div> 915</div> 916</div></div> 917 918 919 920<div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"> 921<div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--sm" style="height:24px" aria-hidden="true"></div> 922 923 924 925<div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--md gridible-hidden--lg" style="height:12px" aria-hidden="true"></div> 926</div> 927</div> 928</article> 929 930 931 932<div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"> 933<div class="wp-block-group has-background is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow block-visibility-hide-large-screen" style="background-color:#f3f3f3;margin-bottom:0;padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-right:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-left:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30)"> 934<p class="has-text-align-center has-shade-1-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family has-golf-font-size wp-elements-35 wp-block-paragraph" style="margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;text-transform:uppercase"> 935 Advertising 936 </p> 937 938 939 940<div class="htlad-medrec"></div> 941</div> 942 943 944 945<div class="wp-block-group has-background is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow block-visibility-hide-medium-screen block-visibility-hide-small-screen" style="background-color:#f3f3f3;margin-bottom:0;padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-right:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-left:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30)"> 946<p class="has-text-align-center has-shade-1-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family has-golf-font-size wp-elements-36 wp-block-paragraph" style="margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;text-transform:uppercase"> 947 Advertising 948 </p> 949 950 951 952<div class="htlad-small_leaderboard"></div> 953</div> 954 955 956 957<div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"> 958<div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--sm" style="height:48px" aria-hidden="true"></div> 959 960 961 962<div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--md gridible-hidden--lg" style="height:var(--wp--preset--spacing--50)" aria-hidden="true"></div> 963</div> 964</div> 965 966 967 968<div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"><div class="wp-block-template-part"> 969<div class="wp-block-group single-post-next-story is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="border-top-color:var(--wp--preset--color--shade-2);border-top-width:1px;border-bottom-color:var(--wp--preset--color--shade-2);border-bottom-width:1px;padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--50);padding-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--50)"> 970<div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-container gridible-row gridible-row--flex gridible-row__all-start gridible-row__md-end gridible-row__lg-end gridible-row__all-standard gridible-row__md-standard gridible-row__lg-standard"> 971<div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__12 gridible-col__md-6 gridible-col__lg-6"><div class="post-navigation-link-previous wp-elements-37 wp-block-post-navigation-link has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-delta-font-size has-rocky-compressed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/trump-to-rename-ai-super-intelligence-on-all-u-s-documents/" rel="prev">Trump To Rename AI âSuper Intelligenceâ On All U.S. Documents</a></div> 972 973 974<div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--md gridible-hidden--lg" style="height:32px" aria-hidden="true"></div> 975</div> 976 977 978 979<div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__12 gridible-col__md-6 gridible-col__lg-6"><div class="post-navigation-link-previous has-text-align-right single-post-next-story__story-link wp-elements-38 wp-block-post-navigation-link has-text-color has-primary-1-color has-echo-font-size has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/trump-to-rename-ai-super-intelligence-on-all-u-s-documents/" rel="prev"><strong>Continued on next page</strong></a></div></div> 980</div> 981</div> 982</div> 983 984 985<div 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wp-elements-39 wp-block-paragraph" style="margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);font-style:normal;font-weight:700">Explore Tags</p> 1056 1057 1058<div style="font-style:normal;font-weight:600;text-transform:none" class="taxonomy-post_tag wp-block-post-terms has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/tag/business/" rel="tag">Business</a><span class="wp-block-post-terms__separator"> </span><a href="https://theonion.com/tag/vol-62-issue-39/" rel="tag">Vol 62: Issue 39</a></div> 1059</div> 1060</div> 1061</div> 1062 1063 1064<div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"> 1065<div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--sm" style="height:var(--wp--preset--spacing--60)" aria-hidden="true"></div> 1066 1067 1068 1069<div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--md gridible-hidden--lg" style="height:var(--wp--preset--spacing--50)" aria-hidden="true"></div> 1070</div> 1071</section> 1072 1073 1074 1075<div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"><div class="wp-block-template-part"> 1076<section class="wp-block-group single-post-related-content is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"> 1077 1078 <p class="has-primary-1-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family has-echo-font-size wp-elements-40 wp-block-paragraph" style="margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);font-style:normal;font-weight:700">Related Coverage</p> 1079 1080 1081 1082 <div class="wp-block-query is-layout-flow wp-block-query-is-layout-flow"> 1083 <ul class="wp-block-post-template is-layout-flow wp-block-post-template-is-layout-flow"><li class="wp-block-post post-1851707932 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-american-voices tag-ai tag-donald-trump tag-government tag-technology tag-vol-62-issue-39"> 1084 <h2 style="padding-bottom:0;padding-top:0;margin-bottom:0px" class="wp-block-post-title has-delta-font-size"><a href="https://theonion.com/trump-to-rename-ai-super-intelligence-on-all-u-s-documents/" target="_self" >Trump To Rename AI âSuper Intelligenceâ On All U.S. Documents</a></h2> 1085 1086 1087 <hr class="wp-block-separator has-text-color has-shade-2-color has-alpha-channel-opacity has-shade-2-background-color has-background" /> 1088 1089 </li><li class="wp-block-post post-1851707801 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-american-voices tag-crime tag-government tag-technology tag-vol-62-issue-38"> 1090 <h2 style="padding-bottom:0;padding-top:0;margin-bottom:0px" class="wp-block-post-title has-delta-font-size"><a href="https://theonion.com/fbi-hack-exposes-thousands-of-employee-records/" target="_self" >FBI Hack Exposes Thousands Of Employee Records</a></h2> 1091 1092 1093 <hr class="wp-block-separator has-text-color has-shade-2-color has-alpha-channel-opacity has-shade-2-background-color has-background" /> 1094 1095 </li><li class="wp-block-post post-1851707674 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-american-voices tag-animals tag-death tag-guns tag-vol-62-issue-38"> 1096 <h2 style="padding-bottom:0;padding-top:0;margin-bottom:0px" class="wp-block-post-title has-delta-font-size"><a href="https://theonion.com/hunter-arrested-after-mistaking-woman-for-a-deer/" target="_self" >Hunter Arrested After Mistaking Woman For A Deer</a></h2> 1097 1098 1099 <hr class="wp-block-separator has-text-color has-shade-2-color has-alpha-channel-opacity has-shade-2-background-color has-background" /> 1100 1101 </li></ul> 1102 </div> 1103 1104 1105 1106 <hr class="wp-block-separator has-text-color has-shade-2-color has-alpha-channel-opacity has-shade-2-background-color has-background is-style-double block-visibility-hide-large-screen block-visibility-hide-medium-screen" style="margin-bottom:0px" /> 1107 1108</section> 1109 1110</div> 1111 1112 1113<div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"> 1114<div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--md gridible-hidden--lg" style="height:32px" aria-hidden="true"></div> 1115</div> 1116</div> 1117</div> 1118 1119 1120 1121<div class="wp-block-gridible-grid-column gridible-col gridible-col__12 gridible-col__md-4 gridible-col__lg-3 gridible-offset__lg-1"><div class="has-full-height wp-block-template-part"> 1122<aside class="wp-block-group has-full-height is-vertical is-content-justification-stretch is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-f78b099a
1122wp-block-group-is-layout-flex"> 1123<div class="wp-block-group has-full-height is-vertical is-content-justification-stretch is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-29c7295b wp-block-group-is-layout-flex"> 1124<div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)"> 1125 1126 1127<div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"> 1128<div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--sm" style="height:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)" aria-hidden="true"></div> 1129</div> 1130</div> 1131 1132 1133 1134<div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)"> 1135<div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)"> 1136<div class="wp-block-group section-label has-section-icon is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-52b12321 wp-block-group-is-layout-flex"> 1137<div class="wp-block-group section-label__icon has-primary-1-background-color has-background is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="border-top-left-radius:8px;border-bottom-right-radius:8px;padding-top:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-right:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30);padding-left:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30)"> 1138<p class="has-shade-3-color has-text-color has-link-color has-foxtrot-font-size wp-elements-42 wp-block-paragraph" style="margin-bottom:0px"> 1139 <span class="wp-rich-text-font-awesome-icon wp-font-awesome-icon"> 1140 <svg aria-hidden="true" focusable="false" data-prefix="fas" data-icon="arrow-trend-up" class="svg-inline--fa fa-arrow-trend-up" role="img" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 576 512"> 1141 <path fill="currentColor" d="M384 160c-17.7 0-32-14.3-32-32s14.3-32 32-32l160 0c17.7 0 32 14.3 32 32l0 160c0 17.7-14.3 32-32 32s-32-14.3-32-32l0-82.7L342.6 374.6c-12.5 12.5-32.8 12.5-45.3 0L192 269.3 54.6 406.6c-12.5 12.5-32.8 12.5-45.3 0s-12.5-32.8 0-45.3l160-160c12.5-12.5 32.8-12.5 45.3 0L320 306.7 466.7 160 384 160z"></path> 1142 </svg> 1143 </span> 1144 </p> 1145</div> 1146 1147 1148 1149<h2 class="wp-block-heading has-text-align-left has-primary-1-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family has-echo-font-size wp-elements-43" id="h-trending" style="margin-bottom:3px;font-style:normal;font-weight:600"> 1150 Trending 1151 </h2> 1152</div> 1153</div> 1154 1155 1156 1157<div class="wp-block-group pat-news-package pat-news-package--no-border-last-row is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"> 1158<div class="wp-block-query is-layout-flow wp-block-query-is-layout-flow"><ul class="wp-block-post-template is-layout-flow wp-block-post-template-is-layout-flow"><li class="wp-block-post post-1851707963 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-local tag-news-in-photos tag-vol-62-issue-39 featured-post-trending"> 1159 1160<article class="wp-block-group pat-news-package-post-temp pat-news-package-post-temp--sm pat-news-package-post-temp--reverse is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="border-bottom-color:var(--wp--preset--color--shade-2);border-bottom-width:1px;margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);padding-top:0;padding-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)"> 1161<div class="wp-block-group is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-f221bfd0 wp-block-group-is-layout-flex"><figure style="margin-bottom:0px" class="wp-block-post-featured-image"><a href="https://theonion.com/man-confident-he-wouldve-been-brave-enough-to-send-thumbs-down-emoji-in-cornell-group-chat/" target="_self" ><img width="1600" height="1213" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/Man_Confident_SB_G_PH.jpg?w=1600" class="attachment-post-thumbnail size-post-thumbnail wp-post-image" alt="Man Confident He Wouldâve Been Brave Enough To Send Thumbs Down Emoji In Cornell Group Chat" style="aspect-ratio:3/2;width:100%;object-fit:cover;" decoding="async" loading="lazy" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/Man_Confident_SB_G_PH.jpg 2000w, https://theonion.com/w
1161p-content/uploads/2026/09/Man_Confident_SB_G_PH.jpg?resize=300,227 300w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/Man_Confident_SB_G_PH.jpg?resize=768,582 768w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/Man_Confident_SB_G_PH.jpg?resize=1024,776 1024w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/Man_Confident_SB_G_PH.jpg?resize=1536,1164 1536w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1600px) 100vw, 1600px" /></a></figure> 1162 1163 1164<div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"><div style="text-transform:none;margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30)" class="taxonomy-category has-link-color wp-elements-44 wp-block-post-terms has-text-color has-primary-1-color has-foxtrot-font-size has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/local/" rel="tag">Local</a></div> 1165 1166<h3 style="font-style:normal;font-weight:400;margin-bottom:0px" class="has-link-color is-style-scale-2 wp-elements-45 wp-block-post-title has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-echo-font-size has-rocky-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/man-confident-he-wouldve-been-brave-enough-to-send-thumbs-down-emoji-in-cornell-group-chat/" target="_self" >Man Confident He Wouldâve Been Brave Enough To Send Thumbs Down Emoji In Cornell Group Chat</a></h3></div> 1167</div> 1168</article> 1169 1170</li><li class="wp-block-post post-1851707492 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-news tag-aging tag-cars tag-vol-62-issue-39 featured-post-evergreen featured-post-trending"> 1171 1172<article class="wp-block-group pat-news-package-post-temp pat-news-package-post-temp--sm pat-news-package-post-temp--reverse is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="border-bottom-color:var(--wp--preset--color--shade-2);border-bottom-width:1px;margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);padding-top:0;padding-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)"> 1173<div class="wp-block-group is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-f221bfd0 wp-block-group-is-layout-flex"><figure style="margin-bottom:0px" class="wp-block-post-featured-image"><a href="https://theonion.com/nations-93-year-olds-announce-plan-to-crash-car-into-side-of-bank/" target="_self" ><img width="1600" height="900" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/Nations_93_Year_Olds_NIB_IHA-GR.jpg?w=1600" class="attachment-post-thumbnail size-post-thumbnail wp-post-image" alt="Nationâs 93-Year-Olds Announce Plan To Crash Car Into Side Of Bank" style="aspect-ratio:3/2;width:100%;object-fit:cover;" decoding="async" loading="lazy" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/Nations_93_Year_Olds_NIB_IHA-GR.jpg 4805w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/Nations_93_Year_Olds_NIB_IHA-GR.jpg?resize=300,169 300w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/Nations_93_Year_Olds_NIB_IHA-GR.jpg?resize=768,432 768w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/Nations_93_Year_Olds_NIB_IHA-GR.jpg?resize=1024,576 1024w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/Nations_93_Year_Olds_NIB_IHA-GR.jpg?resize=1536,864 1536w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/Nations_93_Year_Olds_NIB_IHA-GR.jpg?resize=2048,1152 2048w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1600px) 100vw, 1600px" /></a></figure> 1174 1175 1176<div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"><div style="text-transform:none;margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30)" class="taxonomy-category has-link-color wp-elements-46 wp-block-post-terms has-text-color has-primary-1-color has-foxtrot-font-size has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/news/" rel="tag">News</a></div> 1177 1178<h3 style="font-style:normal;font-weight:400;margin-bottom:0px" class="has-link-color is-style-scale-2 wp-elements-47 wp-block-post-title has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-echo-font-size has-rocky-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/nations-93-year-olds-announce-plan-to-crash-car-into-side-of-bank/" target="_self" >Nationâs 93-Year-Olds Announce Plan To Crash Car Into Side Of Bank</a></h3></div> 1179</div> 1180</article> 1181 1182</li><li class="wp-block-post post-1851707776 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-local tag-health-wellness tag-news-in-photos tag-vol-62-issue-39 featured-post-evergreen featured-post-trending"> 1183 1184<article class="wp-block-group pat-news-package-post-temp pat-news-package-post-temp--sm pat-news-package-post-temp--reverse is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="border-bottom-color:var(--wp--preset--color--sha
1184de-2);border-bottom-width:1px;margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40);padding-top:0;padding-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)"> 1185<div class="wp-block-group is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-f221bfd0 wp-block-group-is-layout-flex"><figure style="margin-bottom:0px" class="wp-block-post-featured-image"><a href="https://theonion.com/posture-adjusted-to-equally-incorrect-posture/" target="_self" ><img width="1600" height="1213" src="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/Posture_Adjusted_SB_S_PH.jpg?w=1600" class="attachment-post-thumbnail size-post-thumbnail wp-post-image" alt="Posture Adjusted To Equally Incorrect Posture" style="aspect-ratio:3/2;width:100%;object-fit:cover;" decoding="async" loading="lazy" srcset="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/Posture_Adjusted_SB_S_PH.jpg 2000w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/Posture_Adjusted_SB_S_PH.jpg?resize=300,227 300w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/Posture_Adjusted_SB_S_PH.jpg?resize=768,582 768w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/Posture_Adjusted_SB_S_PH.jpg?resize=1024,776 1024w, https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/Posture_Adjusted_SB_S_PH.jpg?resize=1536,1164 1536w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1600px) 100vw, 1600px" /></a></figure> 1186 1187 1188<div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"><div style="text-transform:none;margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--30)" class="taxonomy-category has-link-color wp-elements-48 wp-block-post-terms has-text-color has-primary-1-color has-foxtrot-font-size has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/local/" rel="tag">Local</a></div> 1189 1190<h3 style="font-style:normal;font-weight:400;margin-bottom:0px" class="has-link-color is-style-scale-2 wp-elements-49 wp-block-post-title has-text-color has-primary-2-color has-echo-font-size has-rocky-condensed-font-family"><a href="https://theonion.com/posture-adjusted-to-equally-incorrect-posture/" target="_self" >Posture Adjusted To Equally Incorrect Posture</a></h3></div> 1191</div> 1192</article> 1193 1194</li></ul></div> 1195 1196 1197 1198<hr class="wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-double"/> 1199</div> 1200 1201 1202 1203<div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow"> 1204<div class="wp-block-gridible-responsive-spacer gridible-hidden--sm" style="height:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)" aria-hidden="true"></div> 1205</div> 1206</div> 1207 1208 1209 1210<div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow wp-container-7 is-position-sticky" style="margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)"> 1211<div class="wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow" style="margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--40)"> 1212<div class="wp-block-group section-label has-section-icon is-nowrap 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24-24l0-48c0-13.3-10.7-24-24-24L40 48zM192 64c-17.7 0-32 14.3-32 32s14.3 32 32 32l288 0c17.7 0 32-14.3 32-32s-14.3-32-32-32L192 64zm0 160c-17.7 0-32 14.3-32 32s14.3 32 32 32l288 0c17.7 0 32-14.3 32-32s-14.3-32-32-32l-288 0zm0 160c-17.7 0-32 14.3-32 32s14.3 32 32 32l288 0c17.7 0 32-14.3 32-32s-14.3-32-32-32l-288 0zM16 232l0 48c0 13.3 10.7 24 24 24l48 0c13.3 0 24-10.7 24-24l0-48c0-13.3-10.7-24-24-24l-48 0c-13.3 0-24 10.7-24 24zM40 368c-13.3 0-24 10.7-24 24l0 48c0 13.3 10.7 24 24 24l48 0c13.3 0 24-10.7 24-24l0-48c0-13.3-10.7-24-24-24l-48 0z"></path> 1218 </svg> 1219 </span> 1220 </p> 1221</div> 1222 1223 1224 1225<h2 class="wp-block-heading has-text-align-left has-primary-1-color has-text-color has-link-color has-tablet-gothic-semi-condensed-font-family has-echo-font-size wp-elements-51" id="h-recent-news" style="margin-bottom:3px;font-style:normal;font-weight:600"> 1226 Recent News 1227 </h2> 1228</div> 1229</div> 1230 1231 1232 1233<div class="wp-block-group pat-news-package 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1792
1793<script type="module"> 1794/*! This file is auto-generated */ 1795var e="script#wp-emoji-settings",t=document.querySelector(e);if(!(t instanceof HTMLScriptElement))throw new Error("Element missing: "+e);const r=JSON.parse(t.text),s=(window._wpemojiSettings=r,"wpEmojiSettingsSupports"),o=["flag","emoji"];function i(e){try{var t={supportTests:e,timestamp:(new Date).valueOf()};sessionStorage.setItem(s,JSON.stringify(t))}catch(e){}}function c(e,t,n){e.clearRect(0,0,e.canvas.width,e.canvas.height),e.fillText(t,0,0);t=new Uint32Array(e.getImageData(0,0,e.canvas.width,e.canvas.height).data);e.clearRect(0,0,e.canvas.width,e.canvas.height),e.fillText(n,0,0);const r=new Uint32Array(e.getImageData(0,0,e.canvas.width,e.canvas.height).data);return t.every((e,t)=>e===r[t])}function p(e,t){e.clearRect(0,0,e.canvas.width,e.canvas.height),e.fillText(t,0,0);var n=e.getImageData(16,16,1,1);for(let e=0;e<n.data.length;e++)if(0!==n.data[e])return!1;return!0}function u(e,t,n,r){switch(t){case"flag":return n(e,"\ud83c\udff3\ufe0f\u200d\u26a7\ufe0f","\ud83c\udff3\ufe0f\u200b\u26a7\ufe0f")?!1:!n(e,"\ud83c\udde8\ud83c\uddf6","\ud83c\udde8\u200b\ud83c\uddf6")&&!n(e,"\ud83c\udff4\udb40\udc67\udb40\udc62\udb40\udc65\udb40\udc6e\udb40\udc67\udb40\udc7f","\ud83c\udff4\u200b\udb40\udc67\u200b\udb40\udc62\u200b\udb40\udc65\u200b\udb40\udc6e\u200b\udb40\udc67\u200b\udb40\udc7f");case"emoji":return!r(e,"\ud83e\u1fac8")}return!1}function f(e,t,n,r){let a;const s=(a="undefined"!=typeof WorkerGlobalScope&&self instanceof WorkerGlobalScope?new OffscreenCanvas(300,150):document.createElement("canvas")).getContext("2d",{willReadFrequently:!0}),o=(s.textBaseline="top",s.font="600 32px Arial",{});return e.forEach(e=>{o[e]=t(s,e,n,r)}),o}function a(e){var t=document.createElement("script");t.src=e,t.defer=!0,document.head.appendChild(t)}r.supports={everything:!0,everythingExceptFlag:!0},new Promise(t=>{let n=function(){try{var e=JSON.parse(sessionStorage.getItem(s));if("object"==typeof e&&"number"==typeof e.timestamp&&(new Date).valueOf()<e.timestamp+604800&&"object"==typeof e.supportTests)return e.supportTests}catch(e){}return null}();if(!n){if("undefined"!=typeof Worker&&"undefined"!=typeof OffscreenCanvas&&"undefined"!=typeof URL&&URL.createObjectURL&&"undefined"!=typeof Blob)try{var e="postMessage("+f.toString()+"("+[JSON.stringify(o),u.toString(),c.toString(),p.toString()].join(",")+"));",r=new Blob([e],{type:"text/javascript"});const a=new Worker(URL.createObjectURL(r),{name:"wpTestEmojiSupports"});return void(a.onmessage=e=>{i(n=e.data),a.terminate(),t(n)})}catch(e){}i(n=f(o,u,c,p))}t(n)}).then(e=>{for(const n in e)r.supports[n]=e[n],r.supports.everything=r.supports.everything&&r.supports[n],"flag"!==n&&(r.supports.everythingExceptFlag=r.supports.everythingExceptFlag&&r.supports[n]);var t;r.supports.everythingExceptFlag=r.supports.everythingExceptFlag&&!r.supports.flag,r.supports.everything||((t=r.source||{}).concatemoji?a(t.concatemoji):t.wpemoji&&t.twemoji&&(a(t.twemoji),a(t.wpemoji)))}); 1796//# sourceURL=https://theonion.com/wp-includes/js/wp-emoji-loader.min.js 1797</script>
vendor: 1 bytes, line 1797
1797
1798<script> 1799gform.initializeOnLoaded( function() { jQuery(document).on('gform_post_render', function(event, formId, currentPage){if(formId == 5) {if(typeof Placeholders != 'undefined'){ 1800 Placeholders.enable(); 1801 }} } );jQuery(document).on('gform_post_conditional_logic', function(event, formId, fields, isInit){} ) } ); 1802</script>
vendor: 1 bytes, line 1802
1802
1803<script> 1804gform.initializeOnLoaded( function() {jQuery(document).trigger("gform_pre_post_render", [{ formId: "5", currentPage: "1", abort: function() { this.preventDefault(); } }]); if (event && event.defaultPrevented) { return; } const gformWrapperDiv = document.getElementById( "gform_wrapper_5" ); if ( gformWrapperDiv ) { const visibilitySpan = document.createElement( "span" ); visibilitySpan.id = "gform_visibility_test_5"; gformWrapperDiv.insertAdjacentElement( "afterend", visibilitySpan ); } const visibilityTestDiv = document.getElementById( "gform_visibility_test_5" ); let postRenderFired = false; function triggerPostRender() { if ( postRenderFired ) { return; } postRenderFired = true; gform.core.triggerPostRenderEvents( 5, 1 ); if ( visibilityTestDiv ) { visibilityTestDiv.parentNode.removeChild( visibilityTestDiv ); } } function debounce( func, wait, immediate ) { var timeout; return function() { var context = this, args = arguments; var later = function() { timeout = null; if ( !immediate ) func.apply( context, args ); }; var callNow = immediate && !timeout; clearTimeout( timeout ); timeout = setTimeout( later, wait ); if ( callNow ) func.apply( context, args ); }; } const debouncedTriggerPostRender = debounce( function() { triggerPostRender(); }, 200 ); if ( visibilityTestDiv && visibilityTestDiv.offsetParent === null ) { const observer = new MutationObserver( ( mutations ) => { mutations.forEach( ( mutation ) => { if ( mutation.type === 'attributes' && visibilityTestDiv.offsetParent !== null ) { debouncedTriggerPostRender(); observer.disconnect(); } }); }); observer.observe( document.body, { attributes: true, childList: false, subtree: true, attributeFilter: [ 'style', 'class' ], }); } else { triggerPostRender(); } } ); 1805</script>
vendor: 1 bytes, line 1805
1805
1806<script> 1807gform.initializeOnLoaded( function() { jQuery(document).on('gform_post_render', function(event, formId, currentPage){if(formId == 1) {if(typeof Placeholders != 'undefined'){ 1808 Placeholders.enable(); 1809 }} } );jQuery(document).on('gform_post_conditional_logic', function(event, formId, fields, isInit){} ) } ); 1810</script>
vendor: 1 bytes, line 1810
1810
1811<script> 1812gform.initializeOnLoaded( function() {jQuery(document).trigger("gform_pre_post_render", [{ formId: "1", currentPage: "1", abort: function() { this.preventDefault(); } }]); if (event && event.defaultPrevented) { return; } const gformWrapperDiv = document.getElementById( "gform_wrapper_1" ); if ( gformWrapperDiv ) { const visibilitySpan = document.createElement( "span" ); visibilitySpan.id = "gform_visibility_test_1"; gformWrapperDiv.insertAdjacentElement( "afterend", visibilitySpan ); } const visibilityTestDiv = document.getElementById( "gform_visibility_test_1" ); let postRenderFired = false; function triggerPostRender() { if ( postRenderFired ) { return; } postRenderFired = true; gform.core.triggerPostRenderEvents( 1, 1 ); if ( visibilityTestDiv ) { visibilityTestDiv.parentNode.removeChild( visibilityTestDiv ); } } function debounce( func, wait, immediate ) { var timeout; return function() { var context = this, args = arguments; var later = function() { timeout = null; if ( !immediate ) func.apply( context, args ); }; var callNow = immediate && !timeout; clearTimeout( timeout ); timeout = setTimeout( later, wait ); if ( callNow ) func.apply( context, args ); }; } const debouncedTriggerPostRender = debounce( function() { triggerPostRender(); }, 200 ); if ( visibilityTestDiv && visibilityTestDiv.offsetParent === null ) { const observer = new MutationObserver( ( mutations ) => { mutations.forEach( ( mutation ) => { if ( mutation.type === 'attributes' && visibilityTestDiv.offsetParent !== null ) { debouncedTriggerPostRender(); observer.disconnect(); } }); }); observer.observe( document.body, { attributes: true, childList: false, subtree: true, attributeFilter: [ 'style', 'class' ], }); } else { triggerPostRender(); } } ); 1813</script>
1813 1814</body> 1815</html>
Line numbers count LF bytes from the start of the resource, as the search results do. Vendor segments are library code the classifier recognised; they are stored but not indexed. Bytes are shown as Latin1 characters, one per byte.