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1<title>PARK BENCH // ONTOLOGY - HOME</title><meta name="description" content="Gavin Stephens: Comedy for a dying interface. Lo-fi ontological satire, to laugh through the collapse."/><link rel="author" href="https://gavinstephens.ca"/><meta name="author" content="Gavin Stephens"/><meta name="keywords" content="comedy,glitch,identity,standup,absurdism,philosophy"/><meta name="creator" content="Gavin Stephens"/><meta name="publisher" content="Void Comedy"/><meta name="robots" content="index, follow"/><meta name="googlebot" content="index, follow, max-video-preview:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-snippet:-1"/><link rel="canonical" href="https://gavinstephens.ca"/><meta property="og:title" content="Park Bench Ontology â Gavin Stephens"/><meta property="og:description" content="Gavin Stephens: Comedy for a dying interface. Lo-fi ontological satire, to laugh through the collapse."/><meta property="og:url" content="https://gavinstephens.ca"/><meta property="og:image" content="https://gavinstephens.ca/api/og?title=He%20Died%20for%20a%20Bigger%20%F0%9F%8D%86.%20That%20Was%20the%20Job.&episode=&guest="/><meta property="og:image:width" content="1200"/><meta property="og:image:height" content="630"/><meta property="og:image:alt" content="He Died for a Bigger ð. That Was the Job."/><meta property="og:type" content="website"/><meta name="twitter:card" content="summary_large_image"/><meta name="twitter:title" content="Park Bench Ontology â Gavin Stephens"/><meta name="twitter:description" content="Gavin Stephens: Comedy for a dying interface. Lo-fi ontological satire, to laugh through the collapse."/><meta name="twitter:image" content="https://gavinstephens.ca/api/og?title=He%20Died%20for%20a%20Bigger%20%F0%9F%8D%86.%20That%20Was%20the%20Job.&episode=&guest="/>
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1</head><body class="overflow-x-hidden overscroll-auto"><div hidden=""><!--$--><!--/$--></div><div class="min-h-screen bg-black/30 text-white" style="opacity:0;transform:translateY(30px)"><div id="home" style="background:var(--pbo-bg);min-height:100vh"><nav class="pbo-nav"><div class="pbo-navticker"><div class="pbo-navtrack"><span class="pbo-navdot">â</span> <!-- -->New Episode: "He Died for a Bigger ð. That Was the Job." · Live in Hamilton Oct 9 · Zine drop: "The Revolution Will Be Commodified"<!-- -->    <span class="pbo-navdot">â</span> <!-- -->New Episode: "He Died for a Bigger ð. That Was the Job." · Live in Hamilton Oct 9 · Zine drop: "The Revolution Will Be Commodified"<!-- -->    </div></div><div class="pbo-navwrap"><a class="pbo-brand" style="text-decoration:none" href="/"><img alt="Gavin Stephens logo" width="300" height="300" decoding="async" data-nimg="1" class="animate-floatForever" style="color:transparent" srcSet="/_next/image?url=%2Fimages%2FgavinHatSerious.png&w=384&q=75 1x, /_next/image?url=%2Fimages%2FgavinHatSerious.png&w=640&q=75 2x" src="/_next/image?url=%2Fimages%2FgavinHatSerious.png&w=640&q=75"/><span><span class="pbo-brand-name" style="display:block">GAVIN STEPHENS</span><span class="pbo-brand-sub" style="display:block;height:16px;overflow:hidden"><span style="display:inline-block;opacity:1">comedy for a dying interface</span></span></span></a><div class="pbo-navlinks"><a href="#podcast">Podcast</a><a href="#projects">Projects</a><a href="#shows">Tour</a><a href="#zine">Zine</a><a href="#about">About</a><a href="#contact">Contact</a></div></div></nav><div class="pbo-page"><section id="podcast" class="pbo-section"><div class="pbo-kicker">Now Streaming</div><div class="pbo-hero"><div><h1>Park Bench <span class="accent">Ontology</span></h1><p>Lo-fi ontological satire, comedy of collapse, and meme-theory dread â recorded live, edited barely. New episode out now on every host site.</p><div class="pbo-playrow"><button type="button" class="pbo-playbtn" aria-label="Play episode">â¶</button><div class="pbo-playmeta"><b>He Died for a Bigger ð. That Was the Job.</b>listen on your host of choice below</div></div><div class="pbo-hosts"><a href="https://open.spotify.com/show/4VXk56ZMQABGFxlu6aBuUv" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Spotify</a><a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/uncolonized/id698940847" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Apple</a><a href="https://www.youtube.com/@ParkBenchOntology" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">YouTube</a><a href="https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/3347012.rss" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">RSS</a></div><audio src="https://prfx.byspotify.com/e/api.substack.com/feed/podcast/217556510/c78df8af1a56f82a3ad554335d4183f4.mp3" preload="metadata"></audio></div><div class="pbo-frame"><img alt="Park Bench Ontology" width="1672" height="941" decoding="async" data-nimg="1" style="color:transparent" srcSet="/_next/image?url=%2Fimages%2FpodcastBanner.jpg&w=1920&q=75 1x, /_next/image?url=%2Fimages%2FpodcastBanner.jpg&w=3840&q=75 2x" src="/_next/image?url=%2Fimages%2FpodcastBanner.jpg&w=3840&q=75"/><div class="pbo-frame-tag">Park Bench Ontology â Waveform / Bench, no text overlay</div></div></div></section><section id="shows" class="pbo-section"><div class="pbo-kicker">Live Show Dates</div><div class="pbo-tourlist"><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">01</span><span class="venue">Shawn & Ed Brewing Co.</span><span class="date">Oct 9, 2026<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->Hamilton<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108976828?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">02</span><span class="venue">Propeller Brewing Company - Bedford Tap Room, Cold Beer Store & Drive-Thru</span><span class="date">Oct 22, 2026<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->Bedford<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108964051?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">03</span><span class="venue">The Old No. 7 Restaurant & Sports Bar</span><span class="date">Oct 24, 2026<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->Head Of Jeddore<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108964069?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">04</span><span class="venue">Comedy Stand </span><span class="date">Oct 30, 2026<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->Halifax<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108687180?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">05</span><span class="venue">Comedy Stand</span><span class="date">Oct 31, 2026<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->Halifax<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108687189?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">06</span><span class="venue">Oak Manor By Burnside Brewing</span><span class="date">Nov 1, 2026<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->Antigonish<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108964087?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">07</span><span class="venue">
1Absolute Comedy Club</span><span class="date">Nov 3, 2026<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->Ottawa<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108835691?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">08</span><span class="venue">Absolute Comedy Club</span><span class="date">Nov 4, 2026<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->Ottawa<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108835695?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">09</span><span class="venue">Absolute Comedy Club</span><span class="date">Nov 5, 2026<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->Ottawa<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108835698?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">10</span><span class="venue">Absolute Comedy Club</span><span class="date">Nov 6, 2026<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->Ottawa<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108835701?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">11</span><span class="venue">Absolute Comedy Club</span><span class="date">Nov 7, 2026<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->Ottawa<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108835705?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">12</span><span class="venue">Absolute Comedy Club</span><span class="date">Nov 8, 2026<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->Ottawa<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108835712?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">13</span><span class="venue">Absolute Comedy Club</span><span class="date">Nov 8, 2026<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->Ottawa<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108835707?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">14</span><span class="venue">Cousin Vinny's Restaurant & Bar</span><span class="date">Nov 14, 2026<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->Greater Sudbury<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108969407?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">15</span><span class="venue">The Boathouse</span><span class="date">Nov 21, 2026<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->Kitchener<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108964125?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">16</span><span class="venue">Spotlight Comedy Club</span><span class="date">Dec 11, 2026<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->St. Catharines<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108829477?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">17</span><span class="venue">
1Spotlight Comedy Club</span><span class="date">Dec 12, 2026<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->St. Catharines<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108829480?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">18</span><span class="venue">Levity Comedy Club</span><span class="date">Jan 22, 2027<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->Hamilton<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108829470?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">19</span><span class="venue">Levity Comedy Club</span><span class="date">Jan 23, 2027<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->Hamilton<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108829471?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">20</span><span class="venue">Absolute Toronto</span><span class="date">Feb 16, 2027<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->Toronto<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108835720?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">21</span><span class="venue">Absolute Toronto</span><span class="date">Feb 17, 2027<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->Toronto<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108835726?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">22</span><span class="venue">Absolute Toronto</span><span class="date">Feb 18, 2027<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->Toronto<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108835730?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">23</span><span class="venue">Absolute Toronto</span><span class="date">Feb 19, 2027<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->Toronto<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108835731?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">24</span><span class="venue">Absolute Toronto</span><span class="date">Feb 20, 2027<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->Toronto<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108835737?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">25</span><span class="venue">Absolute Toronto</span><span class="date">Feb 20, 2027<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->Toronto<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108835740?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div><div class="pbo-tourrow"><span class="idx">26</span><span class="venue">Absolute Toronto</span><span class="date">Feb 21, 2027<!-- --> <!-- -->· <!-- -->Toronto<!-- -->,<!-- --> <!-- -->CA</span><a href="https://www.bandsintown.com/e/108835744?app_id=faf4d447984199c5f26bc6d7897fa9d0&came_from=267&utm_medium=api&utm_source=public_api&utm_campaign=event" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="tix">Tickets</a></div></div></section><section id="zine" class="pbo-section"><div class="pbo-kicker">From The Substack</div><div class="pbo-feature"><a target="_blank" class="pbo-featureimg" href="https://parkbenchontology.substack.com/s/dispatch-from-the-simulation"><img alt="Dispatch From The Simulation" loading="lazy" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" style="position:absolute;height:100%;width:100%;left:0;top:0;right:0;bottom:0;
1color:transparent" sizes="(max-width: 860px) 100vw, 50vw" srcSet="/_next/image?url=%2Fimages%2Fdispatches-from-simulation-text.png&w=384&q=75 384w, /_next/image?url=%2Fimages%2Fdispatches-from-simulation-text.png&w=640&q=75 640w, /_next/image?url=%2Fimages%2Fdispatches-from-simulation-text.png&w=750&q=75 750w, /_next/image?url=%2Fimages%2Fdispatches-from-simulation-text.png&w=828&q=75 828w, /_next/image?url=%2Fimages%2Fdispatches-from-simulation-text.png&w=1080&q=75 1080w, /_next/image?url=%2Fimages%2Fdispatches-from-simulation-text.png&w=1200&q=75 1200w, /_next/image?url=%2Fimages%2Fdispatches-from-simulation-text.png&w=1920&q=75 1920w, /_next/image?url=%2Fimages%2Fdispatches-from-simulation-text.png&w=2048&q=75 2048w, /_next/image?url=%2Fimages%2Fdispatches-from-simulation-text.png&w=3840&q=75 3840w" src="/_next/image?url=%2Fimages%2Fdispatches-from-simulation-text.png&w=3840&q=75"/></a><div><h2>Dispatch From The Simulation</h2><p>Cultural dispatches from the edges of comedy, ideology, and existential dread â essays and ephemera from Park Bench Ontology, decoding the simulation one post at a time.</p><a target="_blank" class="pbo-link" href="https://parkbenchontology.substack.com">Visit the Substack â</a></div></div><div class="pbo-grid"><a target="_blank" class="pbo-card" href="https://parkbenchontology.substack.com/p/the-revolution-will-be-commodified"><div class="pbo-thumb"><img alt="The Revolution Will Be Commodified" loading="lazy" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" style="position:absolute;height:100%;width:100%;left:0;top:0;right:0;bottom:0;color:transparent" sizes="(max-width: 520px) 100vw, (max-width: 860px) 50vw, 33vw" srcSet="/_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!A3Ao!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252Fa95365cd-ac89-4d80-b734-49888eadf8f8_1600x900.png&w=256&q=75 256w, /_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!A3Ao!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252Fa95365cd-ac89-4d80-b734-49888eadf8f8_1600x900.png&w=384&q=75 384w, /_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!A3Ao!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252Fa95365cd-ac89-4d80-b734-49888eadf8f8_1600x900.png&w=640&q=75 640w, /_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!A3Ao!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252Fa95365cd-ac89-4d80-b734-49888eadf8f8_1600x900.png&w=750&q=75 750w, 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/_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!A3Ao!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252Fa95365cd-ac89-4d80-b734-49888eadf8f8_1600x900.png&w=1920&q=75 1920w, /_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!A3Ao!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252Fa95365cd-ac89-4d80-b734-49888eadf8f8_1600x900.png&w=2048&q=75 2048w, /_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!A3Ao!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252Fa95365cd-ac89-4d80-b734-49888eadf8f8_1600x900.png&w=3840&q=75 3840w" src="/_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!A3Ao!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252Fa95365cd-ac89-4d80-b734-49888eadf8f8_1600x900.png&w=3840&q=75"/></div><span class="cat">Oct 2026</span><h3>The Revolution Will Be Commodified</h3><p>How Capitalism Absorbs Its Own Opposition</p><span class="more">Read on Substack â</span></a><a target="_blank" class="pbo-card" href="https://parkbenchontology.substack.com/p/gods-with-anuses-the-sopranos-and"><div class="pbo-thumb"><img alt="Gods With Anuses: The Sopranos and the Denial of Death" loading="lazy" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" style="position:absolute;height:100%;width:100%;left:0;top:0;right:0;bottom:0;
1color:transparent" sizes="(max-width: 520px) 100vw, (max-width: 860px) 50vw, 33vw" srcSet="/_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!hLBq!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252F7cec60cd-23c5-4d4a-bb38-677547379bb9_2560x1706.jpeg&w=256&q=75 256w, /_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!hLBq!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252F7cec60cd-23c5-4d4a-bb38-677547379bb9_2560x1706.jpeg&w=384&q=75 384w, /_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!hLBq!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252F7cec60cd-23c5-4d4a-bb38-677547379bb9_2560x1706.jpeg&w=640&q=75 640w, /_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!hLBq!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252F7cec60cd-23c5-4d4a-bb38-677547379bb9_2560x1706.jpeg&w=750&q=75 750w, /_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!hLBq!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252F7cec60cd-23c5-4d4a-bb38-677547379bb9_2560x1706.jpeg&w=828&q=75 828w, /_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!hLBq!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252F7cec60cd-23c5-4d4a-bb38-677547379bb9_2560x1706.jpeg&w=1080&q=75 1080w, /_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!hLBq!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252F7cec60cd-23c5-4d4a-bb38-677547379bb9_2560x1706.jpeg&w=1200&q=75 1200w, /_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!hLBq!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252F7cec60cd-23c5-4d4a-bb38-677547379bb9_2560x1706.jpeg&w=1920&q=75 1920w, /_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!hLBq!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252F7cec60cd-23c5-4d4a-bb38-677547379bb9_2560x1706.jpeg&w=2048&q=75 2048w, /_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!hLBq!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252F7cec60cd-23c5-4d4a-bb38-677547379bb9_2560x1706.jpeg&w=3840&q=75 3840w" src="/_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!hLBq!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252F7cec60cd-23c5-4d4a-bb38-677547379bb9_2560x1706.jpeg&w=3840&q=75"/></div><span class="cat">Sep 2026</span><h3>Gods With Anuses: The Sopranos and the Denial of Death</h3><p>Don Rickles is one of my favourite comedians.</p><span class="more">Read on Substack â</span></a><a target="_blank" class="pbo-card" href="https://parkbenchontology.substack.com/p/the-ducks-on-the-jeeps"><div class="pbo-thumb"><img alt="The Ducks on the Jeeps" loading="lazy" decoding="async" data-nimg="fill" style="position:absolute;height:100%;width:100%;left:0;top:0;right:0;bottom:0;color:transparent" sizes="(max-width: 520px) 100vw, (max-width: 860px) 50vw, 33vw" srcSet="/_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!aMbw!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252Fd638d01c-5132-4fe1-9cdc-47c181babbd1_1280x720.png&w=256&q=75 256w, /_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!aMbw!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252Fd638d01c-5132-4fe1-9cdc-47c181babbd1_1280x720.png&w=384&q=75 384w, /_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!aMbw!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252Fd638d01c-5132-4fe1-9cdc-47c181babbd1_1280x720.png&w=640&q=75 640w, /_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!aMbw!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252Fd638d01c-5132-4fe1-9cdc-47c181babbd1_1280x720.png&w=750&q=75 750w, /_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!aMbw!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252Fd638d01c-5132-4fe1-9cdc-47c181babbd1_1280x720.png&w=828&q=75 828w, /_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!aMbw!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252Fd638d01c-5132-4fe1-9cdc-47c181babbd1_1280x720.png&w=1080&q=75 1080w, /_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!aMbw!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252Fd638d01c-5132-4fe1-9cdc-47c181babbd1_1280x720.png&w=1200&q=75 1200w, /_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!aMbw!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252Fd638d01c-5132-4fe1-9cdc-47c181babbd1_1280x720.png&w=1920&q=75 1920w, /_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!aMbw!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252Fd638d01c-5132-4fe1-9cdc-47c181babbd1_1280x720.png&w=2048&q=75 2048w, /_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!aMbw!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252Fd638d01c-5132-4fe1-9cdc-47c181babbd1_1280x720.png&w=3840&q=75 3840w" src="/_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstackcdn.com%2Fimage%2Ffetch%2F%24s_!aMbw!%2Cf_auto%2Cq_auto%3Agood%2Cfl_progressive%3Asteep%2Fhttps%253A%252F%252Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%252Fpublic%252Fimages%252Fd638d01c-5132-4fe1-9cdc-47c181babbd1_1280x720.png&w=3840&q=75"/></div><span class="cat">Sep 2026</span><h3>The Ducks on the Jeeps</h3><p>A rubber duck on a stranger's dashboard isn't kindness. It's a credit check.</p><span class="more">Read on Substack â</span></a></div></section><section id="about" class="pbo-section"><div class="pbo-kicker">About Gavin</div><div class="pbo-about"><img alt="Gavin Stephens on stage" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="1000" decoding="async" data-nimg="1" class="pbo-aboutimg" style="color:transparent" srcSet="/_next/image?url=%2Fimages%2FaboutPhoto.jpg&w=1080&q=75 1x, /_next/image?url=%2Fimages%2FaboutPhoto.jpg&w=2048&q=75 2x" src="/_next/image?url=%2Fimages%2FaboutPhoto.jpg&w=2048&q=75"/><div class="pbo-aboutcopy"><p>Gavin Stephens makes <em>Park Bench Ontology</em> â stand-up, video essays, and theatre that take apart the ideological scaffolding of ordinary life and doesn't reassemble it. Polite liberalism, market virtue, and nationalist performance art doesn't survive contact with the material.</p><p>His art is informed by working-class Caribbean roots and his blue-collar read on the intellectual: Afro-Absurdism and Ontological Collapse, comedy that unpacks the symbol and implicates the room watching it.</p><p><em>Just for Laughs</em> once told him they wanted a Canadian Chris Rock. He said no. He wasn't asked back. He has the résumé anyway â a Juno nomination for<!-- --> <em>All Inclusive Coma</em>, a Canadian Screen Award for writing, <em>SXSW</em>,<!-- --> <em>the Hamilton Fringe</em>, <em>the South African Comedy Festival</em>, two network specials, two solo shows (<em>Spectacular, Spectacular</em> and<!-- --> <em>Object of Strangeness</em>), <em>CBC's LOL</em> and<!-- --> <em>The Debaters</em>, and <em>CTV's Comedy Inc.</em> He's a columnist for <em>CBC Hamilton</em>.</p><div class="pbo-stat"><div><b>1</b><span>Bench</span></div><div><b>0</b><span>Reassembled</span></div><div><b>1</b><span>Refusal</span></div><div><b>1</b><span>Simulation</span></div></div></div></div><div class="pbo-bio2"><div class="pbo-aboutcopy"><p>His practice runs past the stage. The <em>Art Gallery of Hamilton</em> <!-- -->commissioned him to build comedy tours of its<!-- --> <em>Metamorphosis: Visions of Antiquity in the Modern Era</em> exhibit and its Black History Month programming. He made <em>hermit-cast</em>, a location-aware weather app that generates anti-capitalist reasons to stay home or quietly quit â functional software as ideological object.</p></div><div class="pbo-aboutcopy"><p>He's developing <em>The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth</em>, a documentary on nerd culture as political identity: an escape from freedom, a community built equally on belonging and gatekeeping.</p><p>Essays at<!-- --> <a target="_blank" href="https://parkbenchontology.substack.com">parkbenchontology.substack.com</a>.</p></div></div><p class="pbo-pull">If it can't be questioned, <span class="accent">it can't be funny.</span></p><div class="pbo-press"><a href="../assets/Gavin_Stephens_Press_Kit_2026.pdf" download="" aria-label="Download Gavin Stephens Press Bio PDF">Download PDF Bio</a><a href="https://photos.app.goo.gl/ZRbBUWwYVn31Q7s99" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" aria-label="Gavin Stephens Promo Photos">Download Photos</a></div></section><section id="contact" class="pbo-section"><div class="pbo-kicker">Enter The Void</div><div class="pbo-contact"><form class="pbo-contactcol"><h3>Join The Void</h3><input type="email" placeholder="[email protected]" class="pbo-input" required="" value=""/><p class="pbo-note">No spam, just the void. Unsubscribe anytime.</p><button type="submit" class="pbo-btn">Sign Up</button></form><form class="pbo-contactcol"><h3>Contact Me</h3><input class="pbo-input" type="text" placeholder="Name" required="" name="name" value=""/><input class="pbo-input" type="email" placeholder="Email" required="" name="email" value=""/><textarea class="pbo-input" name="message" placeholder="Message" required=""></textarea><button type="submit" class="pbo-btn">Send</button></form></div></section></div><footer class="pbo-footer"><div class="pbo-page"><div class="pbo-footgrid"><div><img alt="Gavin Stephens" loading="lazy" width="500" height="500" decoding="async" data-nimg="1" style="color:transparent" srcSet="/_next/image?url=%2Fimages%2FgavinHatSerious.png&w=640&q=75 1x, /_next/image?url=%2Fimages%2FgavinHatSerious.png&w=1080&q=75 2x" src="/_next/image?url=%2Fimages%2FgavinHatSerious.png&w=1080&q=75"/><p>Broadcasting from the ruins of late capitalism.</p></div><div class="pbo-footcol"><h4>Navigation</h4><a href="#podcast">Podcast</a><a href="#projects">Projects</a><a href="#shows">Tour Dates</a><a href="#zine">Zine</a><a href="#about">About</a><a href="#contact">Contact</a></div><div class="pbo-footcol"><h4>Connect</h4><a href="mailto:[email protected]">Email Me</a><a href="https://linktr.ee/gavinstephens" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Linktree</a></div></div></div><div class="pbo-social"><a href="https://bsky.app/profile/gavinbstephens.substack.com" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Bluesky</a><a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@parkbenchontology" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">TikTok</a><a href="https://instagram.com/countgavin" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Instagram</a><a href="https://gavinbstephens.substack.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Substack</a><a href="https://www.youtube.com/@ParkBenchOntology" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">YouTube</a></div><div class="pbo-page"><div class="pbo-footbottom">© 2026 Gavin Stephens · Park Bench Ontology</div></div></footer><div class="pbo-mvhs pbo-mscan" aria-hidden="true"></div><div class="pbo-mvhs pbo-mstatic" aria-hidden="true"></div><div class="pbo-mvhs pbo-mtrack" aria-hidden="true"></div></div><!--$--><!--/$--></div>
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1<script>self.__next_f.push([1,"\u003cp\u003eAn influencer died from a penis-enlargement injection and was buried in a gold coffin reportedly worth three-quarters of a million dollars. My first reaction was a joke about it. That reaction is what this video is about.\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhatâs in here:\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e* Why âman dies for vanityâ works as a causal amputation, cutting the death off from every cause except the man\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e* The hamburger math: why your employer maintains the fryer on the companyâs dime and you maintain yourself on your own\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e* How the gig economy replaces the wage with engagement without getting rid of the boss\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e* A fight with my mother about whether work is coercive, and why Iâm not smarter than her, just a beat later\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e* Why the gold coffin reads as vanity but is actually labour, and why his death fed the cycle instead of interrupting it\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAbout Park Bench OntologyPark Bench Ontology is a comedy and ideas show hosted by Juno-nominated comedian and Canadian Screen Award-winning writer Gavin Stephens. It takes the feeling that the world is getting weirder and tries to name it without bullshitting you. Equal parts philosophy, stand-up, and cultural diagnosis, delivered from a park bench with nowhere to be.\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eReferencedð Jean Baudrillard, For a Critique of the Political Economy of the Sign (sign value)ð Karl Marx, Capital, Vol. 1 (labour power, surplus value)ð Theodor Adorno \u0026 Max Horkheimer, Dialectic of Enlightenment (the culture industry)ð Wayne Brekhus, âA Sociology of the Unmarkedâ (the unmarked position)\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eWelcome to the Collapse.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c/p\u003e \u003cbr/\u003e\u003cbr/\u003eThis is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit \u003ca href=\"https://parkbenchontology.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast\u0026#38;utm_campaign=CTA_1\"\u003eparkbenchontology.substack.com\u003c/a\u003e"])</script>
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1<script>self.__next_f.push([1,"An influencer died from a penis-enlargement injection and was buried in a gold coffin reportedly worth three-quarters of a million dollars. My first reaction was a joke about it. That reaction is what this video is about.\nWhatâs in here:\n* Why âman dies for vanityâ works as a causal amputation, cutting the death off from every cause except the man\n* The hamburger math: why your employer maintains the fryer on the companyâs dime and you maintain yourself on your own\n* How the gig economy replaces the wage with engagement without getting rid of the boss\n* A fight with my mother about whether work is coercive, and why Iâm not smarter than her, just a beat later\n* Why the gold coffin reads as vanity but is actually labour, and why his death fed the cycle instead of interrupting it\nAbout Park Bench OntologyPark Bench Ontology is a comedy and ideas show hosted by Juno-nominated comedian and Canadian Screen Award-winning writer Gavin Stephens. It takes the feeling that the world is getting weirder and tries to name it without bullshitting you. Equal parts philosophy, stand-up, and cultural diagnosis, delivered from a park bench with nowhere to be.\n\nReferencedð Jean Baudrillard, For a Critique of the Political Economy of the Sign (sign value)ð Karl Marx, Capital, Vol. 1 (labour power, surplus value)ð Theodor Adorno \u0026 Max Horkheimer, Dialectic of Enlightenment (the culture industry)ð Wayne Brekhus, âA Sociology of the Unmarkedâ (the unmarked position)\nWelcome to the Collapse.\n\n\n \nThis is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit parkbenchontology.substack.com"])</script>
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1<script>self.__next_f.push([1,"An influencer died from a penis-enlargement injection and was buried in a gold coffin reportedly worth three-quarters of a million dollars. My first reaction was a joke about it. That reaction is what this video is about.Whatâs in here:* Why âman dies for vanityâ works as a causal amputation, cutting the death off from every cause except the man* The hamburger math: why your employer maintains the fryer on the companyâs dime and you maintain yourself on your own* How the gig economy replaces the wage with engagement without getting rid of the boss* A fight with my mother about whether work is coercive, and why Iâm not smarter than her, just a beat later* Why the gold coffin reads as vanity but is actually labour, and why his death fed the cycle instead of interrupting itAbout Park Bench OntologyPark Bench Ontology is a comedy and ideas show hosted by Juno-nominated comedian and Canadian Screen Award-winning writer Gavin Stephens. It takes the feeling that the world is getting weirder and tries to name it without bullshitting you. Equal parts philosophy, stand-up, and cultural diagnosis, delivered from a park bench with nowhere to be.Referencedð Jean Baudrillard, For a Critique of the Political Economy of the Sign (sign value)ð Karl Marx, Capital, Vol. 1 (labour power, surplus value)ð Theodor Adorno \u0026 Max Horkheimer, Dialectic of Enlightenment (the culture industry)ð Wayne Brekhus, âA Sociology of the Unmarkedâ (the unmarked position)Welcome to the Collapse. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit parkbenchontology.substack.com"])</script>
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